


Trial and Error

by amelia_petkova



Category: Labyrinth (1986)
Genre: 5 Things, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-22
Updated: 2011-04-22
Packaged: 2017-10-18 11:53:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/188637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amelia_petkova/pseuds/amelia_petkova
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A “five things that never happened and one that did” fic. Jareth’s attempts to divert people with food haven’t always worked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trial and Error

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Labyrinth.

**One**

Sophia ran through the Labyrinth. She had only a few hours to reach the castle before her sister would be turned into a goblin. When she paused to catch her breath, she realized that her stomach was growling.

When she started walking again, her foot collided against something. It appeared to be a large, round fruit. She bit into it and choked on a mouthful of the thick, red rind. She tried peeling it but her fingers couldn’t cut through. Sophia looked around. “Does anybody have a knife?”

#

Jareth scowled into his crystal. “Maybe a pomegranate wasn’t the best choice.”

 **Two**

Jareth laid the fruit down where its bright color would stand out and hid behind a tree to wait.

Carlo walked down the path. He pulled off his glasses and polished them on his shirt without stopping. He stepped on something. It squished.

“Oh God, what now?” he moaned. Hoping that it was one of those annoying fairies, he replaced his glasses and lifted his foot.

A pulverized banana lay before him.

“Too bad. That would have made a good snack. Oh, well.” Carlo scraped off his shoes and continued on his way.

Jareth hit his head against the tree.

 **Three**

“You seemed so hungry. I decided to bring you a gift.” Jareth spun the crystal. It turned into an orange, perfectly ripe and filled with juicy fruit. He tossed it to the young woman.

Marianne let it fly past her and plop into the Bog of Eternal Stench. “I have a citrus allergy, you moron.”

“What?”

She spoke as if he were as young as the cousin she’s wished away. “I. Can’t. Eat. Citrus. Fruits. The next time you want to tempt somebody, do your homework first.” Marianne stomped away.

Jareth looked as though he had bitten into a lemon.

 **Four**

“I’ve got something for you.” Hoggle held out a shiny red apple.

Juliet made a face. “Yuck. I hate fruit! It’s gross and icky and tastes like cardboard. Don’t you have any chocolate?”

“What’s that?” Hoggle asked.

“I hate all of you!” She stomped off toward the castle.

Hoggle put the apple back in his pocket. At least this one wasn’t his fault.

#

Jareth watched Juliet and Hoggle in the crystal. “Um…”

“Yes, she’s really like that,” Caitlin, the girl’s older sister said. “I should thank you for granting her wish. This is the first vacation I’ve had in ages.”

 **Five**

“Um…Your Majesty?” one of the goblins asked.

“What is it?” His Majesty demanded. This time the person had wished away two infants. His nerved were shot and they weren’t even past the six-hour mark. He should make a new rule about not accepting twins.

“The boy didn’t take the food,” the goblin said. It held a basket of raspberries.

“Why the hell not?” Jareth snapped

“He said he really wanted to eat them, but the seeds would get stuck in his braces and the orthodontist would yell. He was very polite about it.”

Jareth threw the raspberries at the goblins.

 **Success**

The Goblin King twirled a crystal as he thought. Sarah was going through the labyrinth far too quickly. Since the Oubliette and Cleaners hadn’t worked, another delay tactic was needed. An idea started to grow. Food could work, with some sleeping or illusion spell hidden inside. The beauty of the plan was, it only had to last a few hours. Sarah had been running through the labyrinth for quite some time; surely she was hungry. Peaches were in season this time of year.

Jareth went off to find that miserable wretch, Higgle. Why hadn’t he thought of this plan before?


End file.
